Amusing My Self

A-muse v. To entertain in an agreeable, pleasing way;to make mildly or temporarily happy.

Life Upside Down

on March 3, 2008
They say in one life a little rain must fall. Well at this most I’ve  got one heck of a storm happening. My life is in shambles right now. The man with whom I share a last name and really despise right now has once again screwed things up royally for us. I don’t know how much more I can stand. I am just so sick of it all. He was stupid enough to drink and drive again, this is his second offense. It was just a little over 5 years ago December that it happened once before. This time he hit a pedestrian. Thank goodness he only clipped the guys elbow  with his mirror but it could have been much worse.Last time it almost cost me the lives of my children.Did he learn nothing from his first mistake? Now he has to go to court Friday morning. If he goes to  jail he will lose his job and we may even lose the house. I REALLY HATE ALCOHOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and am not very fond of him either. He is an alcoholic. As much as I want away from him I have to stand behind him and see that he gets the help he needs because there are two young boys that need a father, they need one who is not sick. If it was just me I would walk away right now but I can not do that to my children. While I do realize there comes a time when one must say enough is enough now is not the time for me to do so.I must see that he gets better and deals with his sickness before things go any farther.

 As hard as this is for me to share with you I feel that I must in order to start the healing process.  Where do I go from here with my marriage? At this point I just do not know. I do however know that things can not continue as they are for all involved nor will they be the same as they were just a few short hours ago.

He did so well for so long but in the last year he started to fall off the wagon as he says. I saw the signs but I guess I was living in denial and didn’t really want to admit it was happening because I was so proud to be able to say my husband is a recovering alcoholic. But tonight I have to face the  truth and admit that he is not in recovery. He is just an alcoholic and will be for the rest of his life.  I honestly can not even fathom what that really means because I do not drink and can not imagine what it is even like to want a drink so bad that it blurs your judgement of what is right and wrong. I don’t understarnd what it is like to let an addiction rule your life.

He knows that he screwed up and he wants the help more now that he has ever wanted anything in his life.It will be a life long struggle for him but he has to do something about his addiction and get the help he needs or he WILL lose his family.It has come down to an ultimatum, his family or the alcohol. Which does he want more?

Where does my life go from here, it has already been turned upside down but will it be even worse? I have no clue at this point. We play the waiting game until Friday

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6 responses to “Life Upside Down

  1. Lee Baldwin says:

    If you have not gone to Alanon, do so ASAP. It really will help – find a good group that will be supportive, and help you understand. If the group focuses on blaming the alcoholic, find another one. There may also be groups for your boys, depending on their ages. I won’t say “good luck” because luck isn’t what helps – or works. But my best wishes for getting through.

  2. lesleyd says:

    *HUGS!*
    I am for families sticking together but there does come a time where accountability comes into the situation. As a single mom, you can do more on your own than you think you can.

    You stood by him the first time, you can stand by him again. Be aware and be firm that it will be the last time. IF you don’t stand up for you and your children, he will keep doing it over and over and over again.

    I quit smoking because I don’t want my daughter to smoke. If the parent is an alcoholic there is a good chance that the child can become one too. You need to look to your heart and make the right decision for you and your family.
    Get any and all information that you can. Check out Alanon (alcoholics anon) there is a group for alcoholic families in your area. Big Hugs!!! My dad was an alcoholic and there were times in my life where I could have called myself one and if it weren’t through my own awareness and doing something about it, I would have gone that way.

  3. grace says:

    I am sorry to hear of your troubles, please know my thoughts and prayers are with you Both of my parents were alcoholics, so I have some understanding on a different level, but you are right, it messes up families huge!!!

  4. Emily says:

    Oh, Jen. What a sucky situation. If there is anything I can do to help (besides sending all kinds of positive vibes and stuff like that your way) please let me know.

  5. Sheila says:

    I was living with a wonderful man who was a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. I did not know him when he was drinking or drugging, just since he was a few years sober. He is now a drug and alcohol counselor and attends meetings as much as possible. From listening to him and attending meetings with him, I have learned that most likely he will need to hit bottom first. Not to make you feel worse. Sometimes they need to lose or almost lose everything to really see a problem. He may know he is an alcoholic but still not think there is a real problem.

    My suggestion is to get help for yourself, whether it be counseling or Alanon. You need to be the strong one for your children and unfortunately there is probably not much you can do to help your husband, only he can do that.

    He may need rehab and definitely needs meetings, as many as possible, even multiple times a day and a good sponsor.

    I hope this has helped and not hurt you too much, this was meant to be supportive. Feel free to write if you like.

  6. It is hard to see what is happening and know what to do. Go to ANON … they will help you to find the answers and support YOU emotionally. If you need to leave him, your boys will still have a father … just not under the same roof. You can make it on your own if you have too and in the long run, it might be better for your boys. AND their father might get help for himself to get back on the road to recovery.

    But find your own way first. Please go to ANON.

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